Resources/Articles
Purity: It's a New Attitude
You are between the ages of 16 and 25. Dating, courtship, relationship, and marriage are impacting your life. Have your “relationship patterns” focused on what FEELS good or on what IS good? If your courtships are based upon what feels good, you will likely be disappointed. The reason - you have entertained fleshly lust rather than a Christ-like love. Have you considered changing your behavior in dating with an attitude which illustrates purity? Think about five attitude changes which will help avoid a defective and regretful dating experience:
“I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my body or mind.” There are questions which may have crossed your mind about a relationship with a boy or girl. “Is it wrong to kiss a girl/boy?” “Can I ‘make out’ with him/her?” “How much ‘making out’ is too much?” “I know that fornication is wrong, but what if you don’t ‘go all the way?’” “How much should we see each other?” “Where do I put my hands on him/her?” The answers to these questions is that purity is more than remaining a virgin or “not going too far.” Purity is a direction. It is what causes you to have the foresight not to get into certain situations, place your body, or put your hands where compromise is the greatest. It is also having the fortitude to flee or stop when caught in those unusual and uncomfortable situations.
“Every relationship is an opportunity to model God’s love.” If you want to model God’s love, then you should treat the opposite sex as a brother or sister in Christ (even members of the opposite sex who are not Christian), NOT as objects of your lust. Treat them as you would want someone to treat your sister, mother, brother, or father (Matthew 7:12).
“Your unmarried years are a gift from God.” Constantly mulling over in your mind about how you and your boyfriend/girlfriend’s relationship is, or what to do to get a date robs you of many opportunities for service and edification of others. As a single person, you have the time and freedom to do all kinds of “good works,” but not if you are sitting at home thinking about who, when, where, and how you can be with your next date. If you are focused upon God, and so is the girl or boy you like, they he/she will appreciate your attitude to serve others (Romans 12:9-21).
“Intimacy is the blessing of commitment in marriage.” It may feel good to be “romantically involved” with someone, but it is not right for you or fair to the other person to pursue romance unless you are ready for marriage. Instead of “seriously dating” someone, you would be better off establishing a deeper friendship with the person in whom you are interested. It frees you from the pressures, which often accompany “serious dating.” Do not get “involved” with someone unless you are ready to say, “I do” and mean it.
“You cannot ‘own’ someone outside of marriage.” (1 Corinthians 7:1-5) says having a “right” over the other is found only in marriage. You can spend so much time exclusively dating a person, you feel like you’re “married” without the oneness of marriage. However, engagement is a serious commitment to a relationship. You still do not “own” the other person, but you grow in love and value the special pledge you have made to one another.
