Resources/Articles
Why Should Young People Wait for Sex in Marriage? (2)
In our last message, we began to examine the reasons why young people wait for sex in marriage. The first reason was physical. The second reason is emotional.
The emotional reason for young people waiting until after marriage to be sexually active is a crucial consideration. when you read the story of David and Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11, you witness the fulfillment of a man’s lustful desire leading to more complications than he had imagined. Add to this how emotionally devastating it was to David. His guilt is exposed by Nathan, the prophet. He tells David the “sword” would always be in his home. The enemies of God would blaspheme. The child born through fornication would die. The emotional blow to David’s ego is witnessed by reading Psalm 51. It describes his intense guilt, distress, and unworthiness.
God wants to protect us from such emotional strife. He has a plan in Hebrews 13:4 which will put an end to the countless numbers of people who believe casual sex is a “must have” in this society. Those boundaries God establishes are to keep us “at home” and to keep us away from unwanted guilt. God wants to protect young people from misled feelings about sex and love, the addiction of sex, the hardships of breaking up after sex, and loss of respect for others and self.
Sex within marriage brings emotional support to a relationship. It is a sign of maturity, genuine love, respect for one’s body, dignity, true intimacy, unity, trust, and permanence. That sounds beautiful, because it is. It is from God. It is His plan, and His plan will work for you.
There are several relationship reasons why young people should keep themselves chaste and wait for sex in marriage. The first thing to remove from your mind is thinking the personal intimacy of sex outside marriage will make your relationship better. Sex is not the one and only ingredient to a good relationship with the opposite sex. Young people forget about maturity, commitment, permanence, unity, support, and a love devoid of selfishness.
Some young people have learned that a relationship’s sole means of communication depends upon touching, caressing, and holding. If you establish and feed your relationship on the external pleasures you can receive, your relationship will decline in boredom, discontentment, and arguments. A young couple’s relationship is honored by self-control, kindness, goodness, patience, trust, faithfulness, and understanding of one another. Sexual contact before marriage does not establish those things.
Avoiding sex before marriage avoids problems of comparison with other people. It also escapes a “sex-dominated” relationship where sex is used as a tool for correcting a fault, holding onto a person, or the means of deciding one’s compatibility with another person. Consider these statistics:
- A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family discovered that people who live together before marriage have much LESS stable unions than those unions that begin as marriages.
- Forty percent of cohabiting couples dissolve their “union” before marriage. Marriages which started out as cohabiting unions have a 50% higher divorce rate than those who did not live together before marriage.
The areas in which “sex before marriage” couples and cohabiting couples struggle are: communication; forego vital decision making; split up because of sexual dissatisfaction; no more or no less compatible than married couples who did not live together before marriage; tend to focus on personal gain; and are no more likely to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
The provisions a marriage brings to a young couple who are chaste are blessings God provides two people who have given themselves to each other for life. The openness, honesty, freedom, love, and trust are gifts He gives to every young person who waits for sex in marriage. One of the most romantic things to give a mate in marriage is something you have never given to anyone else. It is the loving and honorable thing to do. is that not what you want? It was God who said, “Let marriage be had in honor among al, and let the bed be undefiled: for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). Believe Him. Follow that pattern.
