Resources/Articles
Are You In A Loveless Marriage?
One lady believed she was. Her husband was not one to communicate his love to her through words, or demonstrate it through his actions. He did not express any desire to spend time with her. She resolved, after about 10 years of marriage, to try and be content without his love so she would not end up seeking it somewhere else. To be content without her husband’s love, she sought the love of God. She let God’s love bring her closer to Him. She read 1 John 4:7-21. She understood how God was showing her love, not only in words, but in action. She soon realized when we enter a marriage expecting our need for love to be filled through another person, we are often disappointed. We find ourselves even more desperate for God’s love. We want to hold it dearly (Romans 8:35-39).
Through her study of God’s love for her, she saw how important it is that His love is not to be kept in her heart, but revealed in love for another. She allowed the power of God’s words move her to love her husband in spite of his lack of love in words or actions. She could not change her husband, but she could change herself. She loved her husband as unto the Lord. There was no immediate response by her husband. Matter of fact, three years went by without any change. One day, he called her into the room where he was and said, “I’ve been thinking. I know that I said things to hurt you and you said things to hurt me, but if you want to, we’ll try to make a go of it.” Within two weeks, he was calling her “Darling” and telling her he loved her. Their relationship was transformed. It was as if they were in a contest to see who was going to outdo the other in showing love.
Every couple needs to know that “love is about the other person.” It is never about “me.” It is always about my spouse. You may have thought before you were married, you could never love anyone any more. You can and you should. The only way to do that is to understand love is not about what the other does to you. Love is about what you do for the other person - what makes him or her happy.
Love is about desiring your spouse above all others. Each husband and wife needs to desire to love his or her spouse - a love for that person, and that person alone. It can neither desire nor pursue the love of another (Proverbs 7). Love for your spouse is about doing what you can to keep your desire strong for him or her. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 shows one area of love in marriage which should be for your spouse alone. Desiring love is not only about sex, it is about connection, relationship, sharing, and exalting the other.
If you ever say, “I don’t love you anymore” or “I don’t desire you anymore” to your spouse, it is your failure as a husband or wife. It is not your spouse’s fault if you don’t love him or her anymore. Your love for your spouse should be as 2 Corinthians 5:14,15 - a love which will constrain us to want to do more four our spouses. Let that kind of love continue.
