Resources/Articles

"Saving Marriage"

Shawn Bain
04/08/12 - Articles From Our Bulletin

 

The easy part to a marriage is saying, “I DO.” After the wedding, the work and responsibility of marriage begins. Understanding your role is vital to the growth, stability, and endurance of your marriage. Below is a list of ten goals you should learn and apply to have a fulfilling marriage.

  1. Communicate effectively. People can talk, but can a couple speak to one another and be understood? Find the time to be alone to talk with each other. Take a walk, ride a trolley, sit by the lake or underneath a tree and listen to what your mate is saying.
  2. Make time. It takes time to communicate, but it also takes time to practice what you can for your spouse. Unless you give your mate time, someone else or something else will. Make sure you get more of your mate’s time. Quantity and quality is often the best kind.
  3. Understand the needs of your mate. What your mate needs from you is a hug, support, leadership, respect, patience, guidance, a kiss, etc. How do you know these things unless you pay attention to your spouse? Watch and hear from your spouse, then respond with what you can provide your spouse. They will love you for it.
  4. Accept what cannot be changed. Let’s cast out the idea of perfection. Our mate will transgress, but they can be better. There is no excuse for not being a better husband or wife. What cannot be changed is a disease, what other people do, and your ability to change your mate. Let God change you and let Him change your mate.
  5. Budget your money. Frivolous spending can destroy a marriage. You and your spouse need to sit down together to plan how you will sustain your marriage financially. This is a process of accountability which will bless your marriage with oneness and a few extra dollars each month.
  6. Extend grace and forgiveness as needed. Some couples go to bed, wake up, and go through the day with a pit in their stomachs. It comes from a wall built around your heart which does not give mercy and favor to your mate. You will never know how much you love your mate until they become unlovable.
  7. Leaving is not an option. God said cleaving is the only option you have in your marriage (expect for adultery in Matthew 19:9). If you come into and think about separation or divorce during any portion of your marriage, you are thinking about a possible way out if something does not work to please you. Your marriage needs to stay together, not only for God’s sake, but think of all the people hurt if you leave - including yourself.
  8. Never forget to say and live by three great words - “I Love You”. Love is best illustrated in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Read it and act that way.
  9. Conflict can be survived. Many conflicts are never planned. They happen without warning or preparation. They come out of nowhere. Be ready before they come. Have the spirit of self-control to help you come through a conflict. Do not look to establish your rights. Look for what is right. Tell yourself, “We will make it.”
  10. Let romance fuel your marriage. Intimacy takes so many forms. A neck rub, dinner at a local restaurant, picnic in the park, or a card for “Just because you’re you” day are all ways to keep the flame in your marriage from going out. Learn what will “light up” your mate best and keep it going. Do not let anyone or anything blow out your romantic flame. Try these ideas: affection, admiration, communication, prayer, encouragement, embrace, service, giving, and comfort.

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